A Timely Word

If I had a daughter, this is what I hope she would be like.

Politically Incorrect Nursery Rhymes

In the spirit of nursery rhymes, here are some written by the 20th-century author, Hilaire Belloc, Chesterton's best friend. These are family-favorites, although possibly a bit culturally insensitive.

Rebecca

Who Slammed Doors For Fun And Perished Miserably A trick that everyone abhors In little girls is slamming doors. A wealthy banker's little daughter Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater (By name Rebecca Offendort), Was given to this furious sport. She would deliberately go And slam the door like billy-o! To make her uncle Jacob start. She was not really bad at heart, But only rather rude and wild; She was an aggravating child... It happened that a marble bust Of Abraham was standing just Above the door this little lamb Had carefully prepared to slam, And down it came! It knocked her flat! It laid her out! She looked like that. Her funeral sermon (which was long And followed by a sacred song) Mentioned her virtues, it is true, But dwelt upon her vices too, And showed the deadful end of one Who goes and slams the door for fun. The children who were brought to hear The awful tale from far and near Were much impressed, and inly swore They never more would slam the door, -- As often they had done before. Hilaire Belloc

Matilda Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this Infirmity. For once, towards the Close of Day, Matilda, growing tired of play, And finding she was left alone, Went tiptoe to the Telephone And summoned the Immediate Aid Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade. Within an hour the Gallant Band Were pouring in on every hand, From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow. With Courage high and Hearts a-glow, They galloped, roaring through the Town, 'Matilda's House is Burning Down!' Inspired by British Cheers and Loud Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd, They ran their ladders through a score Of windows on the Ball Room Floor; And took Peculiar Pains to Souse The Pictures up and down the House, Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded In showing them they were not needed; And even then she had to pay To get the Men to go away, It happened that a few Weeks later Her Aunt was off to the Theatre To see that Interesting Play The Second Mrs. Tanqueray. She had refused to take her Niece To hear this Entertaining Piece: A Deprivation Just and Wise To Punish her for Telling Lies. That Night a Fire did break out-- You should have heard Matilda Shout! You should have heard her Scream and Bawl, And throw the window up and call To People passing in the Street-- (The rapidly increasing Heat Encouraging her to obtain Their confidnce) -- but all in vain! For every time she shouted 'Fire!' They only answered 'Little Liar!' And therefore when her Aunt returned, Matilda, and the House, were Burned. Hilaire Belloc

...And No More Happiness!

Only the Bay Area could come up with something like this. At least we all know what kind of person takes toys away from little kids.

I Like Any Kind of Person, Except the Little Ones

Just as a warning, that was sarcastic, and this is ranting.

I am frustrated with landlords in my area who don't like kids. We are not a huge family, we have two kids, and they are little. We currently live in a home that's about 600 sq. feet, which is the biggest place we've lived in. We need to look for a new place and the next time I have a landlord tell me that their place is "too small" for us I think I'm going to throw the phone through the nearest wall. It's all I can do to keep myself from giving them an earful over the phone--giving ourselves no chance to rent from them ever.

I've had landlords tell me that their place is "too small" for us because it's "only" 1200 sq. feet. I've had landlords tell me their place is "too small" because it "only" has two bedrooms.

Now the minute I see what looks like a good deal in our area, and would suit our family, I cringe to send them an email or phone call, knowing the way I feel when I get that kind of response. Yuck.

Get out of my way, I have something to throw.

Love Your Mother

Ares

This is a list of events that occurred the week of my birthday. No wonder my sign is the god of war.

1. Beginning of War for Independence
2. Beginning of Civil War
3. Ending of Civil War
4. Lincoln's assassination
5. The Great San Francisco earthquake
6. Titanic sunk
7. Hitler's birthday
8. Oklahoma City bombing

As T.S. Eliot said, "April is the cruellest month..."

Our Representatives

When the health care bill deal first started coming around, I alerted my representative to let him know what this household thought of that idea (respectfully, a load of hooey). I believe that was around 14 months ago, right after Obama was inaugerated. Today I got the following response from Sam Farr (notice how I'm his "Friend"):

April 12, 2010

Dear Friend:

Thank you for contacting my office. I value the input of every resident of the Central Coast, and my office reads and reviews every message, phone call and letter. I personally review much of this communication, and I take your feedback into account.

My office also tries to follow up with as many constituents as possible, so we will do our best to be in touch with a more substantive answer soon. Please know that I appreciate hearing your comments and will keep them in mind as Congress addresses the many important issues facing our country.

For more information on a range of issues, please visit my Web site at http://www.farr.house.gov

I also send out occasional e-mails on issues I believe are important to the Central Coast. To sign up for these e-mail updates, please visit http://www.farr.house.gov/contact and fill out the simple form.

Thank you again for offering your thoughts, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

SAM FARR

Member of Congress

He values my input so much that he waits until after the bill passes, 14 months later, to send a response. Well, it's not like I would vote for him anyway, but he's sure not working that hard to earn it.