The Hills

Since soon we will be migrating south for the summer and spending time in the famous Beverly Hills, I have been meditating on some of my bizarre impressions of the place.  Of course Beverly Hills is world-renowned for famous movie stars, but I think it's definitely one of the weirdest places in the world (I guess it's not odd that those two things should go together).  So, in honor of the place, here are my Top Ten Weird Things about Beverly Hills:

10.  Houses with no foundations built in an earthquake/fire/flood/mud slide zone.

9.  The daughter of the former Shah of Iran who blasts Arab disco through the neighborhood until at least 2 am.

8.  Rich people who treat their dogs like children and their children like dogs.

7.  Michael Jackson's house that overlooks the only children's park in the city.

6.  Paying $10/gallon of milk at Whole Foods.

5.  During the day being the only white person in the entire city.  Everyone's ethnicity changes between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm.  There are Mexican nannies, Mexican landscapers, Mexican construction workers, Mexican pool cleaners, and Mexican dog walkers.  I really think more Mexicans should actually live in the houses since they do all the work!

4.  The 95-year-old neighbor who is a former Russian ballerina.  He is also gay.  He also walks his German shepherds every afternoon while wearing a tweed jacket (yes, even in 100+ degree weather).  He also paints rocks for a living.

3.  George Michael (in all his bling) kindly helping you with your double stroller at the bank.

2.  Non-native-English speaking nannies at the park who sit on the grass while the children play in the chlorine-saturated "stream."  They sit on the grass and watch the non-native-English speaking construction workers get their lunch at the mobile taqueria.  The construction workers stare back.  They both make comments about each other in their non-native-English speaking languages.  When you combine this with #7 it just discourages me from ever attending the park.

And the #1 weirdest thing about Beverly Hills is.....

1.  The 90-year-old neighbor, and former silent film star, who lives with her boyfriend.  But it gets weirder--he used to be her mother's boyfriend.  And it gets weirder--her mother only passed away about 5 years ago.